The Chua Soi Lek funny jokes collection

November 26, 2012 at 7:26 am 30 comments

21 Oct 2012: On the eve of the MCA annual general assembly, Chua Soi Lek announced that most of the 50,000 new applicants to join the party since the last general election are women below the age of 40.

The reason is due to Dr Chua’s personal sex appeal.

He was asked what reminder he planned to impart to MCA delegates since the AGM would be the last party gathering before the country goes to the polls.

MCA’s message to Malaysian Chinese, we’re told, is “Don’t worry, be sexy”.

And that was precisely why The Star published more than two dozen stories on a pair of undergraduate sex bloggers to coincide with the Chinese party’s AGM, and with Alvin and Vivian ending up overshadowing the paper’s coverage of the do-or-die meeting held at Wisma MCA.

But never mind. Alvin did manage to underscore the MCA message when he declared that the party president is his role model.

The concept of “special friend” was unveiled by Dr Chua to the Malaysian public at a hotel in Batu Pahat. Yes, yes, we know that politicians usually hold their press conferences in hotel reception rooms.

Dr Chua however is an exception to the rule (of politicians using the reception rooms in hotels). He had booked a private room instead.

But again, never mind. He wanted to introduce to the public MCA’s own innovation to the ‘My Second Home’ programme, and he succeeded. The term he used – “my special friend” – became a trending buzzword.

Dr Chua complains that the DAP is always belittling all the good MCA has done. DAP belittles its rival in order to create the perception that MCA is a stumbling block to the Chinese becoming political kingmakers through throwing the weight of the entire community behind the opposition.

How to let people know about all the good MCA has done? Urm, publicize all the beneficial community projects carried out by the party neh.

If you Google ‘Yu Chok Tow’ – she is the Wanita MCA chief – in http://www.thestar.com.my, you get a total of three stories about her printed in the newspaper from Nov 2011 to Nov 2012 (Past Year search results).

The three Star stories on Yu Chok Tow – a total of THREE! articles altogether throughout the last one year – are headlined:

  1. ‘Career first before marriage’ (2 days ago)
  2. Public should be positive about [AES] system, says MCA Wanita chief (2 Nov 2012)
  3. Yu: Chinese will only face strife under hudud (20 Oct 2012)

The Star article ‘Career first before marriage‘ interviews the Wanita MCA chief on her party’s Cupid Space Speed Dating Party to be held next month.

(Hurry, hurry to sign up! There will be lucky draws for event participants. The prizes include a romantic dinner for two at the next MCA Mega Dinner as well as a three-night free stay for Special Friend MCA Cupid couples at a Johor seaside resort hotel.)

If you Google ‘Hannah Yeoh’ in The Star, the Past Year search results will turn up 73 stories mentioning her.

These 73 articles carried in the MCA newspaper throughout the last one year are headlined:

Rising above the crowd to beat traffic jams (3 days ago)
Liu ticked off for not being attentive (23 Nov 2012)
Single mothers and children pampered at Sunway (10 Nov 2012)
19 buildings without JMB need proper management (2 Nov 2012)
Council to place bins for garden refuse in USJ (29 Oct 2012)
PWD should take over maintaining Subang-Kelana Link (19 Oct 2012)
Flyover users face pool hazard (18 Oct 2012)
G’s Report: Almost 20% of the CCTVs around Subang Jaya not functioning (17 Oct 2012)
Community comes together to celebrate launch of USJ6 RA (15 Oct 2012)
Parking bays and road upgrades for SS14 area (3 Oct 2012)
Procession set to light up Subang Jaya (29 Sep 2012)
Lantern fest in Subang Jaya brings the community together (28 Sep 2012)
MPSJ files summons against developer for not adhering to planning approval (24 Sep 2012)
Proposal to prohibit heavy vehicles on two main roads (14 Sep 2012)
Art competition a big hit (13 Sep 2012)
Karpal in ‘lonely battle’ (12 Sep 2012)
Reduced to a crawl in USJ 1 (11 Sep 2012)
USJ11 field under restoration and ready by year-end (7 Sep 2012)
Pakatan leaders disagree with Manoharan (7 Aug 2012)
Baked potatoes and kerabu stall at Subang Jaya bazaar draw the crowd (1 Aug 2012)
Kok: Pakatan State govt had to abide by earlier agreement (26 Jul 2012)
DAP, PKR leaders challenged to state stand on hudud (24 Jul 2012)
Bazaar too close to LRT construction site (23 Jul 2012)
Types of development to be built in park should be defined clearly (18 Jul 2012)
More concerted effort needed for a cleaner Subang Jaya (16 Jul 2012)
Selcat recommends that RTPJ2 be revoked and re-gazetted (6 Jul 2012)
Another guard slashed by four men in Jalan USJ2/45 in Subang Jaya (29 Jun 2012)
Two former MBPJ officers grilled over change of PKNS field’s status (29 Jun 2012)
Selcat blasts agencies for not following procedure in PJ local plan (28 Jun 2012)
Who in MBPJ changed status of Kelana Jaya field from recreational to commercial? 28 Jun 2012
Pied-pipers of Subang Jaya (27 Jun 2012)
Residents to keep tabs on contractors (22 Jun 2012)
Residents against development projects (21 Jun 2012)
USJ 13 residents worried about losing field to LRT project (19 Jun 2012)
There’s magic in the air at Subang mall (9 Jun 2012)
Residents worry over traffic congestion LRT station will bring (5 Jun 2012)
Tedious process to replace stolen pipes and valves (31 May 2012)
Residents and shoplot owners up in arms (31 May 2012)
Unipole in SS15 did not fulfil requirements (7 May 2012)
Devotees relieved as pedestrian bridge begins to take shape (7 May 2012)
Protect our kids (4 May 2012)
Council replaces faulty traffic controllers in Subang Jaya (20 Apr 2012)
Ong clears the air on MCA roadshow in SS19 Subang Jaya (18 Apr 2012)
MPK gives reasons for floods (17 Apr 2012)
PJ residents furious with council’s plan to convert land status in Sec 12 (14 Apr 2012)
Two new clinics for Subang (6 Apr 2012)
Residents turn rat-catchers (5 Apr 2012)
Caring for the dead (30 Mar 2012)
Work on LRT line extension project begins (28 Mar 2012)
Subang Jaya exit should remain as two lanes, says Yeoh (27 Mar 2012)
Hannah Yeoh to be in live tweet session (23 Mar 2012)
Ruler wants state govt to ensure status of Malay reserve land is maintained (20 Mar 2012)
Only 19 sworn in at Subang Jaya council (16 Mar 2012)
200 cars damaged in floods (9 Mar 2012)
Thursday morning blues for thousands (9 Mar 2012 )
Malaysian team all set to tackle the toughest foot race in the world (8 Mar 2012)
Familiar faces back in MPSJ line-up of councillors (5 Mar 2012)
LRT work to start Feb 27 (23 Feb 2012)
Cleanliness is a joint responsibility, says MPSJ (21 Feb 2012)
Facelift for low-cost flats (16 Feb 2012)
Mosque launches fundraiser to build dialysis centre (14 Feb 2012)
SS16 folk breathe easier with less congestion (14 Feb 2012)
USJ2, Subang Jaya folk living in fear after attacks on security guards (14 Feb 2012)
MPSJ: Mysterious structure in USJ6 field illegal (7 Feb 2012)
Stop dumping waste along roads, USJ2 residents told (28 Jan 2012)
Workers on holiday lead to garbage pile-up (25 Jan 2012)
Greetings with a personal touch (20 Jan 2012)
New sound barrier gives SS12 residents some peace during traffic peak hours (16 Jan 2012)
Amputee gets prosthetic leg from Yeoh (7 Jan 2012)
New traffic management system in SS16 Subang Jaya from Jan 15 (3 Jan 2012)
Selangor MCA: Highway concessionaires need not apply for licences (29 Dec 2011)
The year was full of ups and downs for Subang Jaya residents (28 Dec 2011)
Developer helps residents apply for strata titles (29 Nov 2011)

MCA media machinery campaigning for DAP evangelists

MCA sure is funny. On the one hand, MCA complains that DAP is publicity crazy.

On the other hand, it is the MCA paper that provides its favourite DAP politicians with the most publicity.

The Star interviews Hannah Yeoh on a children’s art competition which was organised by the resident’s association and had nothing to do with her, The Star interviews Hannah Yeoh about pasar Ramadan when Christians don’t puasa during Ramadan, The Star interviews Hannah Yeoh when it floods in Subang Jaya, The Star interviews Hannah Yeoh when roads gets congested in Subang Jaya, The Star interviews Hannah Yeoh when the city council replaces faulty traffic controllers in Subang Jaya, The Star interviews Hannah Yeoh when houses are burgled in Subang Jaya, The Star interviews Hannah Yeoh when residents catch rats in Subang Jaya …

Aren’t The Star acquainted with any MCA people in Subang Jaya?

Look exactly like TOKONG, don’t you think?

The Star features Hannah Yeoh when ‘Lantern fest in Subang Jaya brings the community together‘ (28 Sep 2012) and again the next day when talking about ‘Procession set to light up Subang Jaya‘ (29 Sep 2012) but fails to send a reporter to cover the 1Malaysia Mooncake and Lantern Festival on the same weekend (30 Sept 2012) at SJK (C) Yuk Chai in Petaling Jaya where Dr Chua’s son Tee Yong was the VIP guest of honour.

If like that, the joke is on the MCA president lah.

MCA only scaremongering on hudud

Dr Chua and his party must have felt like a laughing stock when The Star CEO – whom the paper headhunted (resulting in the publication turned into a DAP evangelist cheerleading squad) – recently quit to head a rival paper (according to industry talk) which will soon to be launched.

The Star‘s other big boss Wong Chun Wai lamented in his column yesterday that

  • “many Chinese voters, swayed by anti-establishment sentiments towards Barisan Nasional, who have been easily convinced that the Islamist party is perfectly acceptable and that hudud laws would not encroach into the lifestyle of non-Muslims”
  • “take a light, if not cynical, response towards the call by the Chinese-based component parties in the Barisan and have dismissed the red flag raised by the MCA and Gerakan as no more than a scare tactic”.

Q & A

.
(1) How come so many Chinese voters are anti-establishment?

Answer: One reason is because The Star promotes the personality cult of opposition politicians and popularizing these evangelist pollies among its Chinese readership, and these are the very pollies who love to mock MCA.

Hannah says: “One act of adultery ruins a whole family”.

Hannah also says: “We must never be like politicians from BN. Some of them, you know, have belittled the institution of marriage and even caused public humility [sic] to their spouse because of adultery.”

(2) How come so many Chinese voters have been easily convinced that PAS the Islamist party is perfectly acceptable?

Answer: One reason is because The Star promotes the personality cult of opposition politicians who popularize a PAS-friendly and Islamist image such as wearing tudung all the time, and sending a message that the Firster Chinese is cool (“racism is so yesterday”) when she wears tudung in paying visits to mosques.

(3) How come so many Chinese voters now seem to believe hudud laws would not encroach into the lifestyle of non-Muslims?

Answer: Because the DAP 2.0 politicians have persuaded the Chinese voters that hudud is harmless and The Star promotes the personality cult of these DAP politicians as idols.

(4) How come so many Chinese voters take a light, if not cynical view of MCA?

Answer: One reason is because The Star promotes the personality cult of opposition politicians (73 stories the past year) while sniggering at the MCA politicians (only 3 stories in the same period) as desperate and unfashionable.

(5) How come so many Chinese voters dismiss the hudud red flag raised by MCA and Gerakan as no more than a scare tactic?

Answer: Because they believe that it is only Chua Soi Lek who will be punished should hudud ever be implemented and they’re actually looking forward to witnessing the stoning of Dr Chua.

Bonus joke

Here’s a popular one: Why did the old dinosaurs cross the road?

Answer: To join DAP waiting on the other side. Heh-heh-heh.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Updated (1/30pm): I reGoogled ‘Yu Chok Tow’ and found 2 more stories — ‘Tan: Kelantan Govt insincere’ (27 May 2012) and ‘Daughter exposes incest’ (14 Jan 2012)

ReGoogling ‘Hannah Yeoh’, I got 81 71 (oops, my mistake) results today. The earlier search used in my article above was done two days ago – 73 separate titles listed. The slight discrepancies could be because of the Star‘s digital filing system (e.g. occasioning duplication when stories are blurbed) or due to however it is that they programme the Google trawl.

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Swapping the MCA-Umno Chinese/Malay relationship for DAP/PAS Muslim-Christian leadership Perarakan Himpunan Hijau di KL berbaur pengaruh politik DAP

30 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Ravin  |  November 26, 2012 at 8:44 am

    Hannah yeoh should thank you also as she is getting free publicity from you too. Every single article from you has her name mentioned many times. The voters will not forget her name and her work as her activities are reported by you frequently here. Keep it up! Good job !

    Reply
    • 2. anakjamil  |  November 26, 2012 at 12:40 pm

      ahh RaRa..you forgot one thing: publicity is a double edge sword. Being mentioned too many times cause green eyes among other party members and when the public actually realised that she didn’t do anything for her constituents, do you think they will forgiving, accepting and accomodating?
      Just you wait and see what stories of HY that will be leaked out soon…

      Reply
      • 3. Helen Ang  |  November 26, 2012 at 12:51 pm

        The Yeopies are ever vigilant.

        The beruk King Kong is a Hannah Subang Jaya voter.

        Reply
        • 4. I.D.A  |  November 26, 2012 at 5:31 pm

          helen you might want to check this out:

          http://catatanseni.blogspot.com/2012/11/is-that-too-much-to-ask.html

          :)
          salam peace.

          Reply
          • 5. Helen Ang  |  November 26, 2012 at 7:19 pm

            :) 60 years of friendship, since the 1952 municipal council election of KL partnership

            Reply
          • 6. I.D.A  |  November 27, 2012 at 9:39 am

            ya loh! 60 yrs d maa… :)

            Reply
        • 7. OverseasBumi  |  November 27, 2012 at 12:34 pm

          Calling your guest a ‘beruk’ isn’t becoming, it’s almost ‘DAPster’-like. At least be classy and call him simian-like. The word ‘beruk’ is too ‘low class’, to use the DAP vernacular.

          I realize one thing on my short visit back to Malaysia — many Malaysians are RUDE. I am not totally innocent either, but I adopt the rude Malaysian persona in order to compete.

          Social interactions in Malaysia seems to be about who can ‘one-up’ the other person, especially in the realm of rudeness. It’s all fun and games until someone loses his temper.

          On a side note, don’t you think it’s time you abandoned wordpress? They don’t allow original comments to be edited by the ones who made them.

          http://en.forums.wordpress.com/topic/a-way-to-edit-comments-in-other-peoples-posts-please

          Reply
          • 8. Helen Ang  |  November 27, 2012 at 12:54 pm

            A guest knows how to behave when visiting and will not be making personal attacks and insulting the host.

            The behaviour of this King Kong – who comes from Sek Men Subang and was Hannah Yeoh’s schoolmate and pledges to vote for her – is already known to the regular readers.

            Since he calls himself King Kong, what better specie to describe him than beruk?

            Reply
          • 9. I.D.A  |  November 27, 2012 at 2:54 pm

            ~Calling King Kong a Beruk~

            Beruk comes beruk stays
            once a beruk become strays,
            don’t blame others who betray
            the host is here to stay
            : this is her blog anyway!

            27-11-2012
            02:52 PM

            Reply
        • 10. calvinsankaran  |  November 27, 2012 at 1:17 pm

          Could this be Rajiv – the Saint of Subang Jaya’s loyal sidekick?

          Reply
          • 11. Helen Ang  |  November 27, 2012 at 1:18 pm

            Is Rajiv a Christian? King Kong alludes that he is one.

            Reply
          • 12. calvinsankaran  |  November 27, 2012 at 1:30 pm

            He is one. Look at this link.

            ———————————————————
            IT WAS only a matter of progression for Rajiv Rishyakaran, who went from volunteering with Subang Jaya assemblyman Hannah Yeoh during the March 2008 election campaign to becoming one of her special assistants.

            “We got to know each other years ago through Grace Church Shah Alam. I offered to help her during the campaign, and continued to help after she won.

            “My duties have since evolved from following Hannah to events and activities, to dealing with the Subang Jaya Municipal Council (MPSJ) on complaints and organising events for Hannah,” he said.

            ————————————————————

            http://thestar.com.my/metro/story.asp?file=/2009/10/22/central/4494125&sec=central

            Reply
            • 13. Helen Ang  |  November 27, 2012 at 1:36 pm

              OIC. But no, I don’t think King Kong is Rajiv.

              King Kong is a beruk.

              Reply
      • 14. Ravin  |  November 26, 2012 at 1:03 pm

        Yes, talking about stories, I am also waiting. I hope your wish materializes. It is rather boring with the same old story about religion every day.

        In the meantime, why not focus on how to make sure your umno masters not being associated with more scandals. As it is, your musang aman is not feeling aman now. His files are being revisited and apart from ICAC, it involves the anti corruption body of our neighbour country this time.

        Reply
        • 15. atas pagar  |  November 26, 2012 at 2:35 pm

          Just imagine if the tap water consumers in Selangor managed somehow to file their summonses separately…kah kah kah…and make your own guess about how many times they need to scale the court up and down in order to settle this issue? he, he,

          Reply
      • 16. OverseasBumi  |  November 27, 2012 at 9:53 am

        As they say, there is no such thing is bad publicity.

        Yes, Helen drew my attention to Hannah Yeoh. Never knew here before this.

        Reply
        • 17. OverseasBumi  |  November 27, 2012 at 9:54 am

          Here should be ‘her’, You can edit that.

          Reply
          • 18. atas pagar  |  November 27, 2012 at 12:28 pm

            Kalau “bad publicity” tak ujud makanya ABN (asalkan bukan BN) tak perlu buang masa menceritakan keburukan orang lain kerana lebih banyak keburukan didedahkan, ia secara terbalik memberikan kebaikan (good publicity) pada BN?

            Reply
  • 19. marhaeman  |  November 26, 2012 at 9:59 am

    I expect in the end HY will have to fight for personality right protection law. This is because a person’s name such as Hannah Publicity Crazed Yeoh could be used utilized maximally and solely for commercial purpose.

    Reply
  • 20. atas pagar  |  November 26, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    Stoning of CSL? Personally I don’t think that will take place. Reason? Firstly, stoning is for pious religious followers only. Secondly, based on Religious Party definition…only their members are truly pious congregants. So for YCSL no worry, be sexy, Bro..hik, hik, hik..

    Reply
    • 21. Helen Ang  |  November 26, 2012 at 3:01 pm

      Actually, the DAPsters want something else to be done to a part of CSL’s body but dunno whether that’s hudud or not since we all non-Muslims bukannya tahu sangat butir-butir hukuman.

      Reply
      • 22. Salhas  |  November 26, 2012 at 11:59 pm

        I, too, don’t know whether it’s hudud or not. If it is, the dying breed of tok mudim would get a new lease of life should PAS succeed in their march to Putrajaya come this upcoming GE13.

        Reply
        • 23. marhaeman  |  November 27, 2012 at 11:07 am

          Whether Pas is in or out of the running is not a main issue for this coming PRU. One big issue here is that there is uncertainty about whom will be nominated as PM if PR win the election. If Pas emerge more dominant than Dap and PKR and if PR truly follow the principle of democracy i.e. the most dominant party is rightfully chosen to be their Caliph, there will be peace and harmony.

          Reply
      • 24. SUARIS  |  November 27, 2012 at 12:20 am

        Ha ha ha.. sama je. Majoriti muslim pun bukannya tahu sangat. Butir-butir hukuman cuma bentuk. Bentuk tidak semestinya selari dengan keadilan/kesejahteraan. Yang kepala pening aje asyik sibuk dengan bentuk. :)

        Reply
      • 25. Pakatan Puak Pembohong  |  November 27, 2012 at 10:37 am

        now we have the salon ruling, next we could have separate dining at eateries and restaurants. then separate lodgings and accommodations at hotels.
        when foreign tourists come, they say to each other “where are we ? this place looks like some fictional item in a book or something”.

        Reply
        • 26. Helen Ang  |  November 27, 2012 at 11:52 am

          When foreign couples are holidaying here and they want to check into the same room at a hotel, they will have to show their marriage certificate.

          Reply
        • 27. atas pagar  |  November 27, 2012 at 2:22 pm

          Kalaulah unisex salon diharamkan, apakah penggantinya?

          Mungkinkah non-sexual atau bisexual salon?

          kik kik kik

          Reply
  • 28. atas pagar  |  November 27, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Di masa depan, pelancong antarabangsa tak perlu bawa sijil nikah kerana apabila PBB terima cadangan ini…arahkan semua negara agar memasukkan maklumat perkahwinan dalam passport milik warga mereka…mereka (pelancong) hanya perlu tunjukkan passport yang ada maklumat berkaitan. Cumanya siapa yang akan buat cadangan pada PBB?

    Reply
    • 29. Pakatan Puak Pembohong  |  November 27, 2012 at 1:05 pm

      mungkin Lim Guan Eng. kan dia selalu kata Competency, Accountability, Transparency.

      atau Anwar. kan gelagat dia dah diketahui umum. dia dah, apa nama, sudah cukup “transparent”, dah layak bawa cadangan ni ke PBB, tambah lagi dengan sokongan kuat Yahudi, Neo Con, dia akan dapat sambutan.

      masalahnya apabila usul ni memerlukan undi untuk diluluskan, tak banyak negara yang akan undi yes, sebab ini dah mencabuli hak asasi dan individual privacy.

      dengan ni, usul ini ditolak oleh majoriti ahli-ahli PBB, kecuali the usual suspects dari OIC. hahaha !

      Reply
      • 30. Salhas  |  November 27, 2012 at 7:18 pm

        Anwar lebih dari transparent. Sampai tak ada tutup-tutup lagi.

        Reply

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