Posted in SUCKER

#KL112 such a big inspiration!!!

The Pakatan politicians made the following 10 demands during the Himpunan Kebangkitan Rakyat.

http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/218741
http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/218741

election_vote_politician_hearBelow are my 10 resolutions parallel to the ten #KL112 demands

I, Helen Ang the budding politician, promise that if you put me in Putrajaya, I will most definitely:

1. Ensure free and fair elections, free PTPTN, free healthcare, toll-free roads, tax-free beer and ciggies and free lunches

2. Save the whales

3. Restore Penang and Malacca as British crown colonies

4. Divert 20 percent of Petronas profits as contribution to charity — old folks homes, orphanages, animal shelters, halfway houses for vagrants and rehab centres for twits

5. Safeguard the future of civil servants, including teachers and security forces as well as safeguard the future of lifeguards, bodyguards, tourist guides, yoga instructors, feng shui masters and MCA politicians after GE13

Scenes from Subang Jaya
Scenes from Subang Jaya

6. Clean up Subang Jaya and Selangor

7. Strengthen the national language in Selangor Times which is currently only published in English and Chinese

8. Free all the lunatics and let them run the asylum

Pollies2

9. Save our heritage, no more eyesore cramped highrise-compact-but-expensive condos in Penang; save our traditional kampungs, no more letting developers grab land and cut hills to build more eyesore cramped highrise-compact-but-expensive condos in Penang

“Save our heritage and traditional kampungs”. Rebuild Kampung Buah Pala to restore the heritage and traditional kampung of the Indian cowherds

10. Raise the living standards for women, pensioners, septuagenarians, octogenarians, foreign guest workers, pets, stray dogs, stray cats, farm animals, zoo animals and political animals

pollies

11. In Stadium Merdeka yesterday, Lim Guan Eng told you that Pakatan aims to abolish poverty in Malaysia

That’s not good enough. Anything he can promise, I can promise bigger

My political party not only aims to abolish poverty and end all wars but we promise to cure male baldness too

rocket_to_the_moon

Besides our guarantee of world peace, my party will stop global warming, preserve the rainforest as well as save karaoke singers from extinction

Vote for me!

I solemnly promise you the moon and the stars. And best of all, you have my word that we’re environmentally friendly. Our rocket to take you to the moon does not cause any pollution at all as it runs on hot air

Author:

I have no Faceook or Twitter.

98 thoughts on “#KL112 such a big inspiration!!!

  1. you certainly have my vote..btw, what’s this new party called? ya better have some snazzy name..and don’t forget the CAT promise too! Can you stop global warming as well and alter weather .. never seen snow, would like to have it in June (around my birthday).

    okay, thanks..

    1. Yes, we can do that. Make it snow here in June.

      If you’re an early bird in submitting your membership form, I’ll let you be the party deputy asst. organizing secretary.

      1. You need melayu in your quota, so you have to appoint me as yr soecial asst. I’m a non-melayu features but hv an uncle whose father at my mother’s side cousins twice removed who knew a malay.

        1. Hahaha, can. I will even adjust our Excel spreadsheet to fix it so that you’re ‘elected’ to our supreme council.

          Btw, besides you, I have 23 more vacancies to fill for Special Assistants. Please put the word out to any qualified applicants who are interested. Mandarin and tukang ampu bodek speakers preferred.

          1. I speak gibberish therefore I think I will do extremely well as Special Assistants and as we speak, I am already speaking to a Chinese daily for an article about your bowel movement, Dear Highly Esteemed Most Precious Gracious Most Revered Sir Dato’ Dr. Tan Sri Tun Helen Ang!

            (wink, wink) can kowtim Jerusubang for me ah? I gip u komisyenn, ok? I hep u, u hep me la…

            1. When you put in your application, remember to attach your test scores on Doublethink and Doublespeak. Candidates are also evaluated on paper qualifications.

          2. Helen I only know to spread hatred, shout and shout and shout, blame and blame and blame, therefore I appointed myself Chief Of Your Cyber-Troopers…

            1. Self-appointed, huh?

              You’re showing great leadership qualities. Someone also appointed himself the Chief Minister although Penang already had its own party state chief.

              You’ll go far in politics, young man.

        1. Patience. Wait till I get into my Rainbow phase.

          Then I will engage a stylist to do a makeover and give my Brylcreem hair a new, soft, layered cut.

        2. from a faggot to another, you’re a bitchy lil thing aren’t you Sshsn? The whole Hair/Shampoo thingy is so Sue Sylvester from Glee: so two thousand and 10. if ya have nothing better to say, why don’t you go and suck some c*cks. btw – your mama called, she wants her high heels back!

    1. I also vote for Helen tapi satu aje yang I tak percaya … cure male baldness…. hahahaha… impossible!

  2. Haiyahhh… How can like that? Dangle carrot for men but not for women… At least subsidize moisturizer or shoes or something la…

  3. You forget to ‘MAnyfestto’ on making all our Fart smell nicer.
    Don’t worry dear, I will vote for you bEcause your ‘Manyfestto” sound too good to be true.. ;)

  4. Anwar Ibrahim also took the chance berate his supporters that this is his last chance to be PM..what more can I say…….

  5. desperate last min attempt as they have no clue in running the country other than their self interest. however i sincerely hope BN have learn their lesson and we will back then again in PR13. ironman 62

  6. Hahaha…. your very funny la tonight! Oh ya, add one, stop illegal rumah urut. Instead, introduce legal rumah urut import mari.

    I will vote you anytime.

  7. I would like to know what you would demand.
    Not a list of issues politicized like the Pakatan’s demands but what you would want or rather wish the politicians in BN and Pakatan Rakyat would do.

    1. I would like to see a budget allocated so that animal shelters can be created – presently the ones we have are NGO-run – and making the establishment and the running of these shelters which take in stray/unwanted dogs and cats become more systematic and put under govt responsibility

      An overhaul of the local council operations dealing with the catching and destroying of stray dogs, some of which methods use needless force and are cruel for sport. Institute a uniform standard to apply across the various council arms dealing with animals and introduce best practices from other countries (e.g. Switzerland) which treat animals humanely

      Both in terms of official procedures and public philosophy, the action of wantonly destroying domestic animals (i.e. those species that humans keep as pets such as dogs and cats) caught and kept in the dog pound should be reduced to the very barest of minimum and be the option of last resort

      Awareness campaign so that the public mindset will undergo a radical shift in the way we see and treat animals, including treatment of them in the zoos (or in public displays for profit, like the sad case of the tiger continually drugged so that visitors could pose for photographs with it)

      Enforcement of anti-cruelty to animal laws, including more vigilant enforcement to bring the perpetrators to book and the courts handing down stiffer punishment than the usual slap on the wrist currently

      High profile attention and commitment to the cause of animal protection like what Rosmah Mansor gives to the area of pre-school education (her Permata project)

      Raise standards in the job field, i.e. if in the kindergartens we want dedicated teachers who love children, then in the carrying out of public policy on animal welfare, we similarly want staff in the area of work who are able to emphatize with the requirements of the job

      1. That’s surprising, never knew you are passionate for animals.
        Somehow I feel that’s really low on any politician’s list of priorities.
        Scratch that, I don’t think any of them ever care about it.

        I never knew about the tiger one, wonder which zoo, never been to a zoo for years.

        1. Bukan low on politicians list .. more like NOT on politicians list. Animals cannot vote maaaa

  8. why u BN people feel so disturbed by a peaceful rally? helen this question is for u also la…. so many blogposts just for one simple harmless gathering? get a grip la.

    1. if your rally was indeed peaceful, why the constant need to say that it was peaceful ? unless of course it was the opposite.

      harmless ? tell that to municipal workers that had to clean up all the trash left behind by your people. tell that to taxi drivers that lost their income on 112. tell that to businesses that had to take the day off to avoid unintended consequences. peaceful rally ? what a joke.

    2. Dear Ezzie,

      Your comment had landed in the Spam queue where I retrieved it.

      Running a check on your IP address, I found that you’re using a “confirmed proxy server” which has been identified as “Recently reported forum spam source”.

      Thought you and the general readers might want to know as one of you could be wondering why your comment is delayed for publication, just in case.

      Yours is not delayed as I happened to check my Spam queue but other pro-Pakatan commenters might have experienced a delay if I don’t happen to check the spam queue just then.

      It puzzles me that comments by the “pro-BN people” do not experience this diversion to the Spam queue unless they breach the auto-set parameters like a limit of five embedded urls.

      Could it (i.e. WordPress mistakenly recognising your comment as spam) have something to do with where you’re using the computer or where your line is located?

    3. Dear Ezzie,

      Your IP address which is 96.47.226.21 and a proxy server – meaning that these numbers shown do not reveal your real location which is camouflaged – is just one digit off the IP address of another pro-Pakatan supporter Skooby Doo (96.47.226.20).

      It appears that the both of you used the identical camouflage/proxy host, Skooby yesterday to comment on my Kit Siang posting.

      Are you and Skooby by any chance working in the same office?

      I was wondering why Skooby’s comment yesterday landed in spam and today with yours the same thing happened.

      By using the proxy server to hide where you’re commenting from, it defeats the purpose of your putting in your pro-Pakatan comment in what you regard as a blog filled with pro-BN people if the comment is redirected to the spam queue, and subsequently missed or is delayed in getting published.

      Then you pro-Pakatan people might go around spreading the gossip that your comments are deliberately withheld when it’s actually your own fault to begin with.

      Below Skooby’s IP details:

      null

      1. this raises a question. why use a proxy server ? is it because they don’t want the authorities to track them down in case they make seditious comments and people lodge reports on them ?

        1. Both Skooby and Ezzie’s comments are not seditious. They’re just knee-jerkily defensive of Lim Sr and Lim Jr.

            1. The blogmaster is accountable for any seditious or libellous comments allowed to be published in his blog even if he does not himself make them.

    4. Heyy u , one of Pakatan demands is

      6- Selamatkan Alam Sekitar

      do you know how many Pakatan macai left the trash overthere ??? , do those Pakatan macai walk the talk?? hahahaha

    5. Ezzie why you think if we don’t agree with the rally we are BN people? Many of us just got tired of the antics and the hypocrites, yes we all know there are corruptions in BN, that’s is main reason many of us voted PR the last election and giving them a chance. At that time it seem it is better to give PR a chance than voting for ‘sleepy head’. Only less than five years PR have created so much issues far and much more dangerous than BN. So as for me I am going to do the right thing… that’s mean enough of PR for me..

  9. you all should read The Sunday Star’s headline. Incident Free. goes to show that the Star will capitalize on anything cooked up by the opposition to brainwash their readers and stab the government in the back.

    1. Well, it was incident free, it’s a good thing isn’t it? Could have something to do with the police new approach too.

      I’m sure the majority doesn’t want bad things to happen, maybe a few would like to because it serves their interests but I don’t think they are many.

      Personally, I feel thankful, don’t like reading about riots and hooligans stomping on cars and police shooting tear gas and all that.

    1. maybe after the rally. perhaps in a secluded location. after all, a lot of things happen behind the scenes.

    1. Here have a banana on me, the budding pollie. Will also stock up on fat cigars to pass around.

  10. Umar the 2nd caliph gave his inauguration speech, he declared “… If a stray dog died of starvation on the banks of river tigris, Umar will be answerable for it”.

    Name one politician in our time who can be as accountable.

  11. your pledge of saving karaoke singers will not go down well with the Mullahs of PAS and the Evangelists of the DAP. after all, karaoke singers are categorized in the same bracket as the sinners of BN. there you go. you lose the PAS and DAP votes. never mind Helen. you have our votes.

  12. hah! I’ll vote you in on the strength of karaoke alone, helen.. hehehe.. a good start to my morning, this post.. danke!

  13. VOTE ME PLEASE :

    1) No restriction for China doll to enter Msia
    2) LGBT is the legit menu of the day
    3) 1 million Malay Bible will be sedekah kerana Allah to all tanpa mengira kaum
    4) ‘kurnian Allah’ can be shared tanpa mengira kaum
    5) Karpal singh will be the governor of Penang
    6) Anwar will be PM and Lim Kit Siang will be PM Mentor
    7) Khairil will be Minister of Malay Affairs
    8) Free petrol for Sunday
    9) A law will be introduced to abolish murtad. Religion will be free for all. Individual can choose 1,2 or more for themselves
    10) PDRM not required in Penang. Penang CM will automatically become Police Big Chief
    11) Anything you want, just name it
    _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Yesss! Please expand (10) to include increased state expenditure on Guan Eng’s Pasukan Peronda Sukarela. — Helen

    1. number 11. anything I want, just name it ? you sure ? how about barring the children of politicians from entering politics when their fathers are still active in politics ? can ?

  14. Dapsters prefer papal’s state but mullah boys prefer hudud’s state. i don’t mind either one or both to become a reality but please don’t forget the historical fact that mullah and evanglistas have never been hugging each other sincerely, loyally and persistently. I really hope the local mullah and evanglistas could prove the history is wrongly recorded.

  15. unfortunately some quarters think that democracy means people can gather like this, and some participants , a future hero wannabe, thinks the real people’s hero coming from the streets by fighting the authority. Compared to what happen yesterday, I believe, it will slowly decline in future as this gathering is not ‘cool’ anymore.

    Objectives? not really sure what was the objectives, its kind of ‘syok sendiri’ , just syok syok call all the party members to join and spend time for nothing. Gives speeches , which I think the form 5 the ala parliment debate team have more valid points.

    1. Bujal,

      “………unfortunately some quarters think that democracy means people can gather like this, ……….”

      Yes indeed. Part of democracy is the freedom of the people to assemble. Unless we are in some totalitarian/dictator/communist countries like North Korea or China, we definitely have a freedom to assemble. Even if for ‘syok sendiri’ purpose.

  16. Helen Ng. If you appoint me as your Deputy Prime Minister 2 (no need 1), I will go all out to wipe out corruption and retrieve all the money sent abroad including Singapore !

    1. Okay, shortlist you for DPM (II). This means the DPM (I) and DPM (III) positions are still open. Also 66 other Cabinet positions to be considered. Don’t you just love this pakat-pakat business?

      Must make the motto – “We offer everything to everyone”.

  17. I think I qualify to be any Prime Minister’s Deputy Prime Minister 2 because I never :-

    1. Evade Income Tax

    2. Take the public’s money or assets

    3. Nor enjoyed freebies like girls, travel trips, gifts etc.

    4. Do business with black cash.

    5. Or consort with shady characters.

    1. 1. We’ll need to vet your land titles also

      2. Erm, what about rich and powerful new best friends?

      3. Good to hear you don’t like to travel First/Business class or pick Milan as a holiday destination. After all, we should support local industries — Cuti-Cutilah di Malaysia

      4. People do business via electronic transfers nowadays

      5. This one we must interview your wife (she might have some flying ashtray stories to tell)

  18. hahaha… joke of the year. helen, may I apply to become yr SETPOL ka? am getting balder nowadays. hopefully after join, I can grow more hair everywhere.

    1. For setpol, I got a rather complicated race quota: Perlu berjiwa Cina tetapi nama Melayu dan dalam masa yang sama berwajah Cina (this to satisfy the complex necessity of our party situation)

      There is however the position of Setpol (II) which is Anak Bangsa Malaysia but mamak-hating and also genetically looking like Cina Apek

        1. Okay, we distribute vouchers for whitening beauty products since we are a party that promises everything. Can collect your coupons at Komtar but to be eligible you must first show proof that you’re a registered voter.

      1. alamak, semua pra-syarat SETPOL tak lepas, kalau lagu tu boleh kasi kontrak buat T shirt ka untuk pasukan sukarela… bolehla helen…pls.
        __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

        Since Ethan & Elton has first dibs on the tailoring contracts, mebbe you can make the vest with the reflector strips? — Helen

  19. The 10 Demands of the PR are similar to the BN except no mention of the containment of corruption. Is this the future of things to come ?

  20. Why you make fun of DAP CEC election. I am a Malay what by virtue of osmosis – I grew up in a half-Malay environment and nurtured by my Malay adoptive father.

    Pleae la, don’t kacau me anymore. Ialso aspire to partake of upward social mobility, an opportunity which can only be provided by my boss. He is great and kind like the caliph Umar la.

    Please ah Helen, don’t make fun of me anymore ya.

    1. Okaylah, lemme helpcht you a leetil bit.

      Will sign you up for agama classes with ustazah Hasnah as well as provide you with a clothing allowance so that you can tailor a few jubahs. Remember to place your order with the Ethan & Elton tailor tho. They’re our company supplier.

  21. “1. Save whales”.
    Dolphin needs saving too. I shed some tears when watching the Academy award winning documentary The Cove. Somebody saw some dolphins in Penang sea water.

    “9. ……..no more eyesore cramped highrise-compact-but-expensive condos in Penang….”
    Condos in Penang are now selling for more than half a million ringgit. I guess more people will have to work for the bank for a very long time. A large Malay kampung in Sungai Ara has moved away for the development of landed property. Guess how much one of these properties worth? A million ringgit at least!

    World has gone crazy here. However there are still some laid back scenes left in Penang island. Places like Balik Pulau feels like a small town somewhere in Perak (like Pusing , Kampar). Narrow roads, paddy fields, etc; what a change! But I’m unsure how long this will last.

    1. Hi LE,

      Just to take the opportunity to explain to readers who may not be familiar with Penang why I use the two words separately ‘cramped’ and ‘compact’.

      Cramped, e.g. one condo project you can see when you’re driving along Jalan Tanjung Tokong. It’s several highrise towers (4 or 5 if I recall correctly) standing very close to each other. So in a certain parcel of land, the developer builds several blocks in extremely close proximity.

      Compact: the individual units are not very spacious but nonetheless very expensive.

      Postscript: Tall and thin highrise towers.

  22. ya bah…… korek korek

    tangkap nga/ngeh logging, dr maddey/mirzan kroni, najeeb-altatunia, NFC cow sharizat, raja rupiah LTAT, najeeb scorpene skandal, PKFZ skandal…. lim guan eng oso tangkap bah….

    tangkap means tangkap semua lor

    dont tangkap pakatan oni ma

    in front of eye like elephant got barisan korupsi

    dont forget

    barisan + pakatan korupsi one shot catch ya!

    ezzie and frens

  23. Tuan-tuan dan Puan-puan, Abang-abang – kakak-kakak, mari kita semua undi kak Helen…Yeay…Hidup kak Helen, kalau dah menang nanti jangan lupa belanja roti canai+teh tarik. Semalam tu mereka pergi sana, air kosong pun tak dapat, makanan dan minuman percuma untuk ‘ahli kumpulan’ sahaja. Kesian.

  24. All those being said, even God cant stop Global warming and most of the things you mentioned. Especially on women, since PKR is joined venture with PAS. Why make promises you can’t keep?

  25. my sides

    they have split

    Good post, btw. but remember that manifestoes aren’t promises and vice versa

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